After having chemo New Years Eve day, I felt like I was free-falling into depression.
The Lab was so busy there wasn’t a chair to be had. The valiant staff kept smiles on their face and ran from one sick patient to the next with patience, caring and listening. They are all heroes to me. What a job they do day in and day out. But it just always comes home to me just how many cancer patients there are. All of us just trying to stay alive. The insurance companies giving us a hard time, the waiting in waiting rooms endlessly, and the hour of chemo turning into 3 or even 4 hours. Waiting for the next test result, always waiting for potentially bad news and so thrilled when the Doc says “Good PET Scan”, blood tests week after week – it’s a full time job trying to have some sort of decent quality of life. But we persevere, day after day, month after month, year after year hopefully.. I’ve been doing this for 12 years and yes, I am still alive, and yes, sometimes I feel okay, but cancer is not for Sissies!
The people in my life give me the strength to get out of bed in the morning to try to appreciate the fact that I am not handicapped in a way that I can’t jump in my car, keep my exercise regime going, meet with my mental health guru, and yes blog when I can. I also run an EBAY business for fun. This is what we have to do – KEEP MOVING FORWARD! For if we stop doing that we are not living at all and that’s criminal, especially for the loving people who surround us trying to make it better.
Today is the first day of the New Year, and though I don’t feel in a celebratory mood. I am going upstairs to get dressed and try to look good in spite of needing a wig, much makeup, (especially eyebrows, which I seemed to have lost forever) and do all that I can do to try to be and look normal. That’s my job for today.
Because of the Side-Out Foundation and the information relayed to me by the great man that is my husband almost on a daily basis, I must forge ahead because every day new drugs are being developed and new tools for the Doctors to discern what is going to work on me and each of you, hopefully.
The holidays have been difficult for me and I’ll be very happy to get back into the normal rhythm of my life. For all of my sisters out there, let us hope that the New Year will be kinder and less stressful, and that we see giant steps toward finding better management for Breast Cancers (especially Metastatic Breast Cancer) which hopefully will be given more attention in the year 2009.
Perhaps this will be the year miracles happen!
I invite anyone out there to feel free to join my blog and interact. Feedback and networking is very important so that information can be shared.
HAVE A HAPPY, HEALTHY NEW YEAR!