Emotional Calisthenics

The last 2 weeks have been emotional chaos for me and the people who love and support me. The loss of a friend to Cancer at 59 years old left me in the throes of so many emotions that I could not sort them all out and as much as I tried to get my POSITIVE back, I couldn’t. 

I had my own things to deal with like chemotherapy, tumor markers, tests, doctor’s visit etc and the combination of what was happening became more of a burden than I could shake off. The reality is that my disease, Metastatic Breast Cancer, is incurable – it is only manageable by chemotherapy at the present time. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. There is no safe place of rationale to help me cope with the daily reminders of my vulnerability. I try to deal from day to day and hope for GOOD NEWS! That good news is my lifeline. 

I had a PET Scan on Saturday and on Monday got my GOOD NEWS that my disease is being held at bay for the time being. That GOOD NEWS allows me to return to the living and allows me to go forward in spite of the knowledge that in a few months I will have to do another Scan that might not be GOOD NEWS. For the rest of my life (whatever that is) the reality is that chemo, tumor marker tests, Scans will always be a part of it. I try very hard to stay in the moment and enjoy the safety of positive thinking. I continue to exercise and eat well and whatever else is possible to stave off the monster inside of me, and for over 4 years I have been successful. Here’s to another 4!!

I would love to believe that in my lifetime there will be a kinder way of dealing with Cancer, but it is seriously doubtful. We must find ways of treating Cancer with more humane options. Chemotherapy is basically all we have for certain forms of Cancer. We all must stay vigilant in pressuring our government to support Cancer Research with much more funding than they do today. Our DIG PINK organization has raised a lot of money this year, our maiden year, and was tremendously successful due to the hard work and dedication of my loved ones, Rick and Bryant plus other zealots too many to mention.. The enthusiasm of our participants was very touching and awe inspiring and I thank all of you for your kind words. Next year DIG PINK will be even better and more successful. It is our dream that future generations of young women will benefit from our initiatives. Thanks to all of you who participated in DIG PINK! My heart is warmed.

One Day Is Not Enough